ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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