there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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