Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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