this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
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Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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