oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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