Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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