Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize