I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize