I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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