So drunk its hurt
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
