Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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