It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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