The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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