First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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