Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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