I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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