i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
