Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
