Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
