if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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