I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
