apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize