My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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