Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize