Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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