There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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