see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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