well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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