You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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