It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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