I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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