you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize