he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
