Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm at about main and main street
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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