Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize