we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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