see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do herpes really smell.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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