Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize