There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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