this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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