He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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