We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize