dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize