Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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