i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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