I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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