My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
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Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize