Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
