i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
