I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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