i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
