I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize