You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
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It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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