the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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