The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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