Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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